A bridge going into the unknown

Be Strong

Finding strength in our vulnerability

In a bid to stay strong for my close ones, I shut off my emotions from view. I stopped crying. I was known for being strong, the one who didn’t cry. But I wasn’t strong at all. It was to my detriment that I blocked my grief.
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It is because the human spirit knows, deep down, that all lives intersect. That death doesn’t just take someone, it misses someone else, and in the small distance between being taken and being missed, lives are changed”
– Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven.

I had this post planned for a while.

It was further down on my list to write up but the recent death of Kobe Bryant (NBA star in the USA), his daughter and friends, prompted me to push it up the list.

I admit, I didn’t know much about Bryant. When the news broke about his sudden passing and I witnessed the outpouring of grief that followed, I felt compelled to write.

When we lose people at a very young age it can cause deep shock to ripple out, engulfing not just relatives and friends, but whole communities.  

In this particular case, the shock reverberated around the world.  

I have thought a lot about Bryant’s family, in particular his partner and remaining children.

People often say the words “I’m Sorry” to a grieving family and the friends left behind.

And sometimes the words “Be Strong” are uttered, intending to give strength to those mourning.

I heard “Be Strong” a lot.

I heard it when I was 15 years old and my stepfather had passed away.  

I heard it again when I was 19 years old and my stepsister had passed away.

Although these words are often said with good intentions, I believe that it can block the natural process of grieving for many people.  

“Be Strong” to me, at both those times, meant “don’t show your emotions”.

Whenever I cried or seemed upset or down, I would hear those words, uttered regularly to ensure I would carry on functioning like normal.

“Be strong for your mum”.

“Be strong for your stepmum”.

“Be strong for your sister, she would have wanted you to be”.

In a bid to stay strong for my close ones, I shut off my emotions, my grief, and I blocked my feelings from view.

I stopped crying.  I was known in the family for being “the strong one”; the one who didn’t cry.

But I wasn’t strong at all. 

It was to my detriment that I blocked my grief.

A woman crouching down with a hood on, looking at the floor.

Grief

Grief is not just experienced at the passing of a loved one.It can be experienced in many other situations too, such as the ending of a relationship, a career, an old way of life or ill health.But it is still grief.Blocking or suppressing grief is temporary.  It will come out in some form or another. It cannot stay within the mind, nor the body, without being expressed in some way.

Grief will come out in some form or another. It cannot stay within the mind, nor the body, without being expressed in some way.

A woman crouching down with a hood on, looking at the floor.

Grief

Grief is not just experienced at the passing of a loved one.

can be experienced in many other situations too, such as the ending of a relationship, a career, an old way of life or ill health.

But it is still grief.

Blocking or suppressing grief is temporary. 

It will come out in some form or another. It cannot stay within the mind, nor the body, without being expressed in some way.

In the years that followed my grief expressed itself as anger.

Sometimes I would feel low, but I mainly used anger to get through my twenties.This led to turbulent relationships with my family, my friends and boyfriends.It was during a Reiki session in 2016 that I realised how much grief I had kept within me.  The Reiki Master who treated me, without knowing my story, told me I had many, many tears left to cry and advised a mantra that would help me to release it.I played this mantra day and night, letting the tears flow as and when they came.I find it easier to cry now, more so in private than in public, but the tears are flowing and that’s the main thing.

Be Soft

If you (or someone you know) is going through grief right now, instead of saying the words “Be Strong”, try saying the words “Be Soft”.  Being soft is where the true strength lies.Let the tears flow.  Let the rage flow.  Let the silence be.  There will come a time when you cannot cry anymore tears, because you have cried so much.  Nor can you rage with anger, because you have already raged so much.  Nor can you sit any longer in silence because the silence becomes stifling.When that time comes you will know that the true healing has taken place.  Your heart will be ready to open up again.Your consciousness will be filled with the loving memories of those who have left.Life your life from this new perspective.  I will leave you with this beautiful excerpt from the book “The Five People You Meet in Heaven” by Mitch Albom.
“Lost love is still love, Eddie. It takes a different form, that’s all. You can’t see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around on the dance floor. But when these senses weaken, another heightens. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it. Life has to end. Love doesn’t”.

Be Soft.

Love always, 

Seena. x

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This Post Has 3 Comments

  1. Mithilesh February 13, 2020 Reply

    I really connect with your words and reflect on them. Love and Light

  2. Chandni July 23, 2020 Reply

    This is so true. I feel this deeply x

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